Requiem

Yes,yes.. its been quite a while.. couln't really conjure anything that was worth putting up..not that anything ever is. Guess its all in the head....

Anyway,what im about to write about happened bout two months ago.. Id gotten to know this girl that i really liked. I mean, she was different and unlike the MCCs(Mount Carmel Clones), she had soul.

Im swell with tragedies. If theyr not happening to me, theyr most certainely happening around me.....But if theres one thing that can really shake you up is heaing yer friend crying on the phone telling you that shes gotta leave town the next day cuz she just gotta noe that her father passed away. I'd met her only that morning. Funny how things can take a turn fer the very worst.
Right then, probably a "I'm sorry" wud be the best and most appropriate thing u can come up with. Thing is, it sounded so shallow..i felt helpless.. i wanted to tell her that it was all gonna be alryt but was it..? I could only scathe the surface of how devasted she must have been feeling bout then but, what could you possibily say or do? I may not exactly be the best counsellor around but right bout then, i felt completely incapacitated. Shed hafta leave. She just left.
I don't mean to be selfish in all the drama, but i hated how we left things. Its been more than a month since i saw her. She doesn't know if shes ever coming back. She can't leave her mom alone. Shes scaredve leaving cuz shes afraid something terrible myt happen once she left.

Bare insecurity.

There wasnt even a proper goodbye.

Funny how people can walk into you life and walk out like they were never part of it. They forget that they take a part of you with them. Sadly, all you can do is stand defenseless and watch them leave. And its not easy to let go- not for me and certainely not for her. But at some point, its probably the only thing you can do.

Question is, do you really want to??

Mayfly

Driving to Bidadi-South Blore. JM playing on the stereo.. Drizzling outside..

Sometimes, in moments like these, I feel free......no strings attached....like i am slave neither of the past nor the future, but only the present. A moment where my world hangs by a thread....when it seems like the simplest things cud jsut shove me right off track. A moment where i leave this world fer a while..a coupla mins is all i seem to need. A time when I am indifferent to defiance...When i feel.........simply,free.

A moment where nothing seems to matter...

Sometimes,leaving home fer a coupla hours to feel what seems like a lifetime of freedom...when i will my won will...just a coupla hours that would make time seem like the trees that run past my window....fast, yet complete...cuz the truth is,nothing ever lasts forever.The good things just last a LOT less longer.

What wouldn't i give??.. A coupla hours,mins,seconds.. to reassure myself that theres a world out there waiting fer me. Thats mine and no one elses.

If these were just a coupla minutes of a long lifetime of struggle, I wouldn't mind a lifetime of jsut those minutes. A life like the passing scenery.

Fast, yet complete

Knock Knock

Its been 2 whole months all in all.......

Alotta time doind nothing has catually gotten to me....So m kinda glad its all gonna end..soon enuf.

I hate not having my mind pre occupied with something..ANYthing. Sketching;being the product of ultimate boredom and infinte time. Well, thaz how it feels sometimes.

Been staying up a LOT lately...fer nothing.

Been driving the car around at 2am. Its so perfect at night...so quiet..so peaceful...wid jazz playing on the radio..nuthin lyk it. Counting on parents not finding out. Till then,seems benign.

Sometimes,i feel like the night reflects my mind. In all of the commotion, there is some peace. U just hafta noe whereta find it and Whenta find it...and whenya do, its a treat,a treasure,a rarity.

I love the weather. Ilove the rain. Ilove not having to worry bout the blistering sun burn yer skin. l love that the summers n ever feel like summers here.

Been listening to a lotta opeth and soilwork lately. The opus karaoke contest in bout a week. Prob the only thing m acutually lookin forward to.

Coll in a day or two. Let the fuckfest begin....

A Start

There is no hope in what I see,
A life that spreads on infinitely.

Hope that makes us hold,
Onto dreams that a sweet slumber unfolds.

But on every morrow, I will be,
No more than who i was-me.

But there is no love in what I see,
A life that spreads on infinitely.

But there dwells a charmer up above,
Who believes there in fact is love.

But what does it matter what this lil heart yearns?,
When the world in its own hell burns.

I drink,I hurt,I am in fact a slave,
Forever human to my grave.

A slave to what destiny brings,
A simple song that shall always ring.

You were born from flesh and blood
And you will always have a chance to be,

To do good and to feel loved
And to love ever so effortlessly.

Law of DMU-A version.

Every person has their breaking point.

Some break easily,while others..well...lets just say their stronger. Ive learnt that strength is accepting your weakness and moving on.

Now,the acceptance;well thaz the hardest part...but the law of DMU gets me thru tha phase...anything thaz begins,reaches its highest point and gradually ends...nothing last forever...however ubiquitous tha saying may be..its still a blunt fact.

There will be pain and regret and sorrow and tears along the way.

At this point,we think its the end.That theres no new beginning...but we often fail to look beyond..we fail to walk over to the edge and see the beauty right in front of us.

That its not the end of everything...theres so much more to live for..and that somewhere in all of the pain,theres always hope...a reason to believe..isnt tha what we feed off??..

Hope that we learn from pain.

Hope that tomorrow will be easier to endure.

Hope that there will be stranger at the end of the tunnel to take you farther and farther away from darkness ....into purpose.

Home.

She tried not to think bout what happened..the pain was too overwhelming..She dint care that she was lost..She had all she needed-her Ibanez...and that was all.

Shed left home..She was sick of defiance..She tried all she could to tell him but he simply wouldnt listen. and so,she decided to make it clear.She had failed to reason so she learnt to accept.

Left a note.Packed what she needed,coupla bucks ta get her thru the nyt...

All her life,she always had the second best...alwayz compromised..but now she knew that shed have all or nothing and anything in between was an illusion.She looked up to see the sunset ...it was the first time that shed learnt to appreciate the different melange of colours in the sky-purple blending into orange...nirvana.

She sat in the meadow..under the setting sun..with the breeze in her hair...feeling her fingers brush the nylon beauty.

She closed her eyes.She was home.

Sans regret.Sans grief.Sans sorrow.

"Harder the life,sweeter the song..."

Pozam feel...

Got Allll the time in the world...
Been a week since Saarne shut down;well fer me atleast.....*ism,ignore the asperity of tha statement*...
Feelin shitty.
Parties have gone back to their purposeless selves...bah!
Either way, been writing alotta music lately...
Found an intense inspiration after a really lonnggg tym so m grateful fer wtv happened...
Blore in a coupla weeks...can't waitta just leave it all behind and start afresh...
Cradle of Filth in Blore 23rd!...can't wait.. Hopefully,backstage passes too...*all smiles*
Movies,Movies,moviess....... sorta makin up fer the 5 month lackve it...haha...more of an obligation than wanted entertainment i shud say...
Books.....Books....
Clearing up the shelves-wich i usually like doing, but now...knowin itd prob be the last time,doesnt seem so inviting anymore.
Been shuttling bwn frenz plcs.....being home leaves my mind with nothing to think bout and trust me, REAL tragedy wen tha happens...
Either way.....
rebecca black sux...rsd....but cudnt resist.

Folk,hip-hop,RnB....bah..

So ive been listening to Ani DiFranco...... Folk rock isn't exactly my kinda music.. but her lyrics make the genre worth the lisen.
I mean...unlike some of the other artists of my generation, who make it rhym without making sense, she gets both the flow of the music and the lyrics..hand in hand.
So, i wikiied her....she seemd pretty intriguing...mahn it was worth it..
bisexual, feminist icon?!...fans disappointed when she got married to a man..
won the 'Woman of courage' award!?...over 20 albums?!?!..woahh....
And then theres this chik....Rebecca Black..a frendve mine asked meta give her a lisen.
NO. Do NOT google her/utube her.
take it from me..ur in fer a BIG disappointment...
A perfect epitome of meaningless music of our generation..
Her song 'Friday', iz a loadve fckin BULLCRAP!!.....and OMG!..she can't even sing AND she has a fkcin officaial video to her song?!?..the world aint fair!...
Dunno wich record label wud be soo naive so as to not see..HEY SHE CAN'T FCKIN SING AND YER GOIN DOWWNNN!
so herez a line or two from the song to illustrate my point:
"Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday.Today i-is Friday, Friday
Tomorrow is Saturday.And Sunday comes after...wards...".
Seriously dude.
Wtf.
-_-

Now,this is where id liketa be....

So, i was listening to this song called human by jon mclaughlin[brilliant one at that btw]..
And strangely, it made me paint out my dream living... Its all soo vivid in my head. I wish i could paint it out on paper with my mind...ah welll....

Imagine, a 22 by 25 living. Rainy day.Creamy beige wooden flooring. Glass walls- with one parting in lieu of a door that leads to the front yard. Glass roof- the rain water falling off its edges;forming a kinda faux waterfall on all three sides of the glass walls.

Grey curtains with inlaid designs, a strokeve neon green here n there that fades into the grey-automatic, that lines all three sides of the room.

A lil guitar station wid a Gibson or two. Not to forget the piano-a big black Yamaha.

At the centre, a grey, smooth leather settee placed on a huge white and grey rug facing the system,all encircling a small glass table with a pebble table top where white and lavender roses would be strewn.

A potted plant or two ta fill the corners.

Now this is where id like to make myself a cuppa and settle down with a copy of HBR on the leather beauty in my standard indoor clothing-shorts, white tee and a black shrug.

aahhhh...nirvana....

Memo-ripod

Some moments you just can't get enough of. Moments that make yer life easier to endure.

But these moments never last forever in yer head. They always hafta go mix themselves up wid the crappy stuff that i'd love to forget.

I wish we had this contraption into which you could sync yer most beautiful memories while their still fresh in yer mind- every detail, every feeling, every image. And when things go wrong, lay back, put it on and live the moment- to feel what you felt then, every smell and every touch; something that'll take you far far away from the real world and give you reason.

Some memories are just too precious. They need safe-keeping.
Just something to tell you that the world ain't too bad a place.
You've just gotta know where to look.

Alone..

The brutal truth-No one listens.
Maybe thats why silence seems so comforting. I'd like to think that people aren't inevitable.

Sometimes, I like being lonely. I send myself to this lil dark corner in me where i find solace. I sit beside the huge french windows and look up to see the dull cloudy skies listening to emo; and more often than not,feel a tear roll down my cheek. But i like it. I like being depressed. I like that i feel low-to think that I am infact alone. Everyone is.

Sometimes, I prefer shutting myself from the world to see how long I'll last. I find it comforting. Theres absolutely no one I can open myself completely to. Theres always a barrier- something that stops you. Probably just the fact that u'll be misconstrued,judged or simply rejected.

I wish people were like the plants around me- living but indifferent. I wish the opinions didn't matter. Probably go back and erase every connection...everyone....beacuse they'll never stay. And if its not free will, then its always time that takes them away.

Every now and then,I go to that special place in me. Let it remain pure and not infested by people and emotions.I don't need no one. Just myself.Alone.Safe...
No strings.
No reasons for what I feel.
No empathy.
Just me and my lil dark nirvana.

The Desolate Hill

I stand on a desolate hill

My arms wide open

I feel the zephyr caress my face

I feel my mind unwind

As it entwines its icy fingers through mine

I see a creamy moon

Trying to find its place

In the evanescent purple-blue melange

I see the leaves of the elm

A bunch of departed souls, perhaps

Waiting to be carried away..

To be free...

All so peaceful,still and benighted.

I hear his voice call my name.

Ever so enticing. I smile.

He drapes his arms around my waist.

'Theres always light in the darkness',he whispers

I close my eyes.

He Lifts me off the desolate hill,

The hushed sound of his opalescent wings,

The eternal ethereal lullaby.

Monochrome..

Well...

Black and white.

They don't have shades. Black is Black and White is White.

You'll NEVER hear anyone say light black or dark black or light white or dark white.cuz they dont exist!!....

Their both pure in their own ways.Even if white always symbolises purity.But WHY???

Theres no white without black and vice versa. There can never be light without dark but it DOESNT work the other way 'round. And so, black wins!haha...

They compliment each other so beautifully. A perfect match of contrast.

Pretty random thot...but wtv.

Mired In Milieu

When your lost, you don't know where to be
When your lost, you can't seem to see
When your lost you can't go back
'cause when your lost, you don't know where your at.


Caught in an endless maze you yearn,
To be free and watch the walls around you burn,
Hoping the smoke will show thee,
A world of endless possibility.


Or sometimes be weightless and hope,
That the smoke was heaven's rope,
Fear,escapism, call it what you please,
But i shall be forever thankful to the fire fer the release.


Looking down at the maze I see,
There infact was a way out-to be free,
Probably would've broken down the walls,
Finally victorious, bruises and all.


Would've met a few people along the way,
People fer whom bruises are a small price to pay,
People fer whom in the maze id stay,
I'd have had a reason to live another day.